Starting Over

I've been wondering how to go about writing this specific blog post. I already have a lump in my throat as I even think about how to go about it. So, I think I will just throw it all out there at once and then explain. Ben and I will not be returning to Mountain Village in August of 2013. We have known for about a month, but have tried to keep it on the down low. For those who prayed along side of us, knowing this decision was difficult, we thank you.

Ben and I came into this school year having every intention of coming back for another. However, as the school year started, we had an unsettling feeling like maybe we weren't cut out for it anymore. Problems seemed to arise more and more in the classroom and it just became stressful. I could go on and on about how and why it is difficult to teach high school and middle school in Mountain Village, but I think I will refrain from doing that. Instead, I'm going to turn this around and talk about why it will be SO hard leaving this place.

I've had many family members and friends ask me, what is it about Alaska that you like so much. I've never really had a great response to that question, but after thinking about leaving, I will try and give better reasoning's. First of all, this is where Ben and I started our life together. If you recall, Ben and I got married on June 26, 2010 and we moved to Alaska on August 4, 2010. We went through several transitions together. Marriage, moving, new teaching jobs, etc. It was kind of all thrown at us at once, but I truly believe that in those transitions, Ben and I grew together and were forced to depend on each other, but most importantly on God. We didn't have our families to go running to when something got hard. We had to make new friends together out here. We had to do things that made us really uncomfortable out here. We slowly adapted to the way of life here and I feel like we are leaving feeling accepted by the community.

The way of life out here is so different and unique. If someone REALLY wanted to, they could live off of the land. The men are hard workers when it comes to catching Moose, Ptarmigan, Lynx, Fish, Seal, Whale, etc. A family could live off of moose meat for the entire winter. The women can make Parka's using different fur. It almost seems like a different time era. I don't know really how to explain it. The people are desperately trying to hold onto their culture. There are eskimo dances, fiddlings, storytelling, etc. This is kind of the way it is all around Alaska. I was able to see more of Alaska when traveling with my mom last summer and I noticed that the people were the same all over Alaska. A lot of people will say that the Midwest is "Midwest Nice" and I think that is very true. I wish I could put a finger on how to label Alaskans. Alaskans are self sufficient, they work hard, but also laid back, they take pride in their land. They are truly proud of where they come from and they should be. It is the most BEAUTIFUL state I have ever seen or been to. The mountains are what everyone sees when they come here for vacation or what they see on TV, but the tundra on the west side of Alaska is truly magical. You can only see the "bush" when flying by plane. I remember when flying into Anchorage for the first time, I had heard a man ask a lady where she was going and she said Anchorage. I remember his reply that if you want to see the real Alaska, you need to go out west. There is beauty in it all. Am I off topic yet? ha ha. Carrying on.

The relationships. Ben and I have built some outstanding relationships with the people here in Mountain Village. We were told when living in the Village, we should try and get involved. I feel like Ben and I took that advice and ran with it. We have had the opportunity to go moose hunting, ice fishing at Mt. Kuzi, eskimo dancing, fiddlings, gatherings, funerals, weddings, bingo, church, holidays with the native people and the list could go on. We will always be "gussak" (white people) but they have been like family to us.

Leaving my Kindergartners. This is probably one of the hardest parts about leaving. I'm leaving a job that I absolutely love. I have the best teacher aide, Mollie Long. We have worked so great together and if you have read my previous posts, she has become like a mother away from home. Her family has become our family away from home. When I go into work each day, I go in to work to love these kids. It has been my prayer since the very beginning that I would love them the same way Christ loves them. I've realized that out here, these kids need love more than anything. More than letter recognition, letter sounds, star words, counting by 2's, 5's, and 10's to 100, telling time, story problems, etc. While those things are important yes and will help them as they grow older, nothing can surpass the love that these kids need. A lot of them come from terrible home lives. Seeing their parents drunk and abusing one another. Not being fed every meal like they are supposed to. Not going to sleep until 2:00 A.M. and then coming to school expecting to "learn." I have wept over some of the stories these kids have told me. The first one happened my first year when a quiet student came to me and told me her mom got taken to jail last night. I got tears in my eyes and just gave her the biggest hug. I have this fear that I'm going to leave this place and who will love them? I know I need to trust in God that he will provide people in their lives to love them. It is just difficult. It may sound like these little 5 and 6 year old's are just miserable, but they aren't. It may also sound like they all come from hard home lives and that also isn't true. A lot of them do have loving and caring families.

Just recently we had parent teacher conferences and one parent was sitting across from me joking around saying that she can't wait for her son, nickname Tarzan to be in my class. I have taught two of her children already and she works in the school, so I know her pretty well. Anyway, we were talking and I had told her that we wouldn't be coming back next year and she looked at me like a deer in the headlights. Like, what do you mean you aren't coming back and then she proceeded to get tears in her eyes. I didn't know exactly how to react as I thought I was the only one who had cried over this decision and realization.

So, there you have it. In the next months, Ben and I will be preparing to leave Mountain Village. We will be selling most of our "stuff" and staring all over again. Where you may ask? Who knows. Somewhere in Minnesota. Ben has been applying to science positions all over Minnesota like a mad man. Please be praying for us as we look for a job and relocate. The plan for me is to follow my husband and sub for the first year and hopefully Ben and I will start a family of our own....if that is God's plan. If it was my plan I think we would have started a family our first year. :) It will be SO nice to be close to our families again. We have so many siblings who are also having kids and we want to be apart of that. Please please please pray for Ben and I as we go about all the changes that will be coming our way. We love you and are so thankful for standing by us. I'm thinking I will keep this blog going, although I will have to change the title of it. It is no longer our Alaskan adventure....if you have any ideas for a new blog name, send them my way.

With Love,
Ben and Anne